Site Update – We’re Back

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Sex toys or pet toys? Meow.

If you tried to access the site last night, thanks. But you may have noticed that heatwolves.com was blocked/banned. Somehow this site received over one million spam comments and pingbacks in one week, and then got shut down by my web hosting company for something called ASO abuse – basically over-consuming resources due to oceans of spam. No shout out to the spammers.

But, there is a cookie at the bottom of this wack brown paper bag lunch. This shutdown forced me to fix up the backend and make the site look better. It should load much faster now and look better on your phone. What do you think of the new design?

Here’s some music I was listening to ten years ago that still sounds good.

Interpol – Obstacle 1

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Interpol – Say Hello To The Angels

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Dinosaur Jr. – Sludgefest

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The Go! Team – Huddle Formation

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And hey, please check out and follow the @lovebanguniverse acct on Instagram!

cartoons and mopey tunes.

ChineseDoctorsBeLike

If you find yourself in Instagram galaxy you should check out the @lovebanguniverse. That’s the club night and label side of all this. Got cartoons coming every day as long as it stays rainy and probably longer, plus a lot of what’s going on in Shanghai and random culture bits that you won’t generally find on this blog.

To match the rain and sky in this countryside Blade Runner megalopolis, here’s some dreary classics that I hope the youth will know.

You may find danger walking down the sidewalk sometimes, whether it’s muggers or e-bikes. This song revels in that danger. Some Michigan Music right here, from 1973.

The Stooges – Gimme Danger

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I don’t know what Morrisey is on sometimes but the band killed it. Guitar like no other. This one from 1985.

The Smiths – How Soon Is Now

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Another pretty obviously classic but it’s so good let’s put it up anyway. One of those tracks you recognize from the first eight bars. Coming at you from 1979.

Joy Division – Disorder

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And then comes the calm…”Psychocandy” by The Jesus & Mary Chain is an album to put when you feel mad fucked up, especially after traveling/benders/etc. These guys were infinitely way more fucked when they made this music, and it shows. If you like Yeezus you’ll probably feel this album. Got this stone cold classic from 1985 at a record store in Tokyo a few years back.

The Jesus & Mary Chain – Just Like Honey

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Sexual Harassment

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Many advise against taking red cabs in Shanghai. “Sketchy” is an adjective that gets thrown around a lot to describe these vehicles. Red cabs are privately owned, unlike those blue/yellow/green cabs or the nicer Expo taxis that belong to companies that own thousands of cars. There’s more variation within the red cab category than all other colors combined. Once, the driver of an immaculate red Kia gave me an architectural tour through the Jin Qiao suburbs in perfect English. Another time, some friends piled into a ragged old red VW Santero and the 司机 (driver) proceeded to casually light up a crystal meth pipe while cruising down the bund. A wide range, red cabs.

Before the night in question, my girlfriend said the drivers of red cabs naturally take more pride in their car’s upkeep and provide better service because it’s their car not the company’s. Makes sense. Maybe that’s why I chose to take this sad red cab in front of 88 Bar on Fumin Lu. I wasn’t in there, just down the block.

I get in. The car smells like cum. Older red Volkswagen, tinted windows, middle-aged driver wearing glasses and some kind of leather hat with a short brim. Car smells strongly like semen. I start thinking about that scene in Taxi Driver where Travis Bickle says “Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.” But I’m past tired and it’s a short ride so fuck it, I tell him the address and on we go. Driver puts on some “high” Chinese club music which makes things less awkward.

“Oh you like electronic music too? When you drive a car, you gotta have music. I don’t understand those people who drive in silence,” I say.

“Oh you speak Chinese? You have been in Shanghai for a long time I bet.”

And we start talking, and dude is dropping some serious knowledge. At one point he calls me “the new Chinese” (“你是新中国人!有的人从外地搬到上海,他们是新上海人,你是新中国人”!).  In six years, no Chinese person has ever called me this. This concept does not exist in China. Americans take it for granted that almost anyone can just become an American through struggle and luck. I said “wow, that’s really polite of you because Shanghainese never say ‘new Shanghainese;’ most just say Wai Di Ren” (外地人 = outside people; mildly pejorative depending on tone/context).

More wisdom imparted – the driver says I’m getting older, and I should get home and see my parents more. “都回家看看父母.” Sound advice, and dude has a weird aura about him. Like, “ayyyyy, you know what I’m saying right? 对吧。”  What some would call a “smart crazy person.”

We pass the worlds cutest kitten shop on Huaihai Lu, across the street from gay bar dungeon Shanghai Studio where cabbies wait outside for hours on weekends in hopes that they can get some cock. The topic shifts to women, and driver says “What kind of girls do you like? I don’t like those skinny girls with twig legs, I like a women with meat on her. Something I can feel. What kind of girls do you like? Do you like girls like that?” The excitement in his voice rise as he speaks.

“Yeah I do like girls who are more robust, voluptuous.” 丰满.

“Ayyyy now we’ve reached a common point, as men. We both like women who have meat. It’s more comfortable when you make love with them right? You really get what I’m saying right?” And he keeps asking “我讲话有没有到你心里了?” Which literally translates to “Is what I’m saying entering your heart?” but actually isn’t quite that strong. I didn’t know at the time though so this sentence was really freaking me out.

Then the driver asks if I have a girlfriend, and I say yes. He’s visibly excited about this and though I’m visibly uncomfortable with the topic, he keeps saying “It must be comfortable when you make love to her, and her lips must feel good on your dick.”  He repeats that same sentence “Is what I’m saying entering your heart?” and asks more creepy sexual questions until we get to my corner.

As I’m waiting for my change, he asks if I live with my girlfriend, I say no and and then he says “ok, I hope it feels comfortable when you make love to your girlfriend.”

I exit the cab and the driver says Zai jian, and I’m standing on the side of the road feeling uncomfortable. I thought about this for the next week. What a strange dude. Is this driver just rolling around in his cab talking sexual to people and beating off when he’s got no customers? I mean, his car smells like cum and he’s asking me intensely about how good it feels when I make love to my girlfriend. Bizarre.

Sexual Harassment – If I Gave You A Party (Palmbomen Edit)

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Thank you to Nick for identifying this rare tune from 1983 by New York’s Sexual Harassment. So catchy you’ll never forget it. It will enter your heart.

 

Love Bang Halloween Mixtape 2013

LoveBangHalloweenMix2013Cover

Happy Halloween ya’ll.

Blood, drugs, poison pills disguised as candy – it’s all here in the supreme Halloween mix from Shanghai’s supreme DJ collective, LOVE BANG. Everything from rare 80s synthwave gems to trap, stoner metal, apocolyptic club music, and of course some Three 6 Mafia. Download for free and dance till you die!

I spent about thirty hours getting this one right.

1) Nahash x Halloween Safety Intro
2) Zomby x ASAP Rocky – Godzilla Night (Heatwolves Blend)
3) Juicy J ft. Wiz Khalifa – Know Betta
4) Youngstar – Dimension X
5) Halloween Theme (Heatwolves Murked in Baltimore Edit)
6) Zomby – Tears in The Rain
7) Black Sabbath – A National Acrobat
8) The Gaslamp Killer – Dead Vets (feat. Adrian Younge & MRR)
9) Nightmare On Elm Street – Freddy’s Coming To Get You
10) Mr. Flagio – Take a Chance (DJ Apt One Remix)
11) Three 6 Mafia – Weed Is Got Me High
12) Kingdom – Fukin Jaker
13) Laura Ingalls – Editing Time Is Over
14) A-Jackpot – Uno Dos Tres
15) Blawan – Why They Hide Their Bodies Under My Garage?
16) Egyptrixx – Everybody Bleeding
17) The Theme From Psycho Remix
18) Rye Rye vs Hijack – Hardcore Girls Possessed (DJ Ayres edit)
19) TOMMY KRUISE – REAL BUCK
20) Future Brown – Wanna Party ft. Tink
21) oOoOO – The South
22) Three 6 Mafia – Bin Laden
23) Caracal – Elements
24) Twista – Adrenaline Rush
25) Zomby – Pyrex Nights
26) Kingdom – Hood By Air Theme
27) Baauer – Swerve
28) Big Punisher – Leatherface
29) Captain Crunch Halloween Cereal Special Edition
30) 1984 Detroit Devil’s Night Arson
31) Ghostbusters Cereal (No High Fructose Corn Syrup)

See you at Dada tonight.

more fun with SIGNS // Pictureplane – “Gang Signs”

We’ve all seen creative-but-understandable English on signs in China, but we’ve got another category – the mystery sign, e.g. this map of my friend’s apartment building. Some of my Chinese friends don’t understand it either.

为什么有两个21C1??

Those are real gold bricks. Shit is mad opulent and palatial.

And then this photo – not taken at the zoo or an adventure park.

“….I can’t remember if I parked in Elephant or Camel… ”

This is at Hongqiao airport, which you should always choose over Pudong if at all possible. Much closer to downtown and even Lujiazui, and just a more pleasant experience from start to finish. You won’t find a bit of fun at Pudong International Airport, I assure you of that.

I appreciate the creativity and color here. The only possible detractor is that some may spend a long time contemplating where to park due to their loyalty to a particular animal. I’d find trouble choosing between Kangaroo and Horse for sure. Really need to consider which one I identify with more, like I am right now. Pretty much all people look somewhat like one particular animal, e.g. rabbit, baby dinosaur, or turtle, but that resemblance alone doesn’t determine a persons favorite animal. I know some people that look like turtles and they’re not crazy for turtles or anything.

Side story about animals. I asked the owner of the Muslim noodle shop by my home about the pig water in Shanghai, and if Muslims can drink the water now. He said that as long as the water source is moving, like a river, it’s ok. Lakes are ok too, apparently. I couldn’t understand everything he said, but he mentioned a filter too. 21st century problem for sure.

Here’s a song about another kind of sign -

Pictureplane – Gang Signs

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Really hope Pictureplane comes to Shanghai sometime.

LOVE BANG MIX FOR JUE FESTIVAL 2013

Here it is – our exclusive, official mix for the 2013 JUE Festival happening right now in Shanghai and Beijing.

mixed by DJ Caution and Heatwolves

TRACKLIST

1. BAWANG Intro
2. Gang of Four – “Outside The Trains Don’t Run On Time”
3. AV Okubo – “Old Game”
4. Frank Turner – “Four Simple Words”
5. Let’s Get Weird and 黑暗 with 排球女将
6. Cinema  Soloriens – ??? ripped from YouTube
7. Zhongshan Park – “Wut R Treats?”
8. AM 444 – “Interloop 2″
9. Grimes – “Vanessa”
10. Downstate – “Mist”
11. Ital – “Dub Me for Tonight (Saviour’s Love Megamix)”
12. HONEY, 蜂蜜!
13. Grimes – “Genesis”
14. Super Ayi Cleaning Team – “Tigerwoman”
15. S L V (Downstate & Hamacide) – “Toi”
16. Acid Pony Club – “P.O.P – Scratch Boom”
17. Little Yellow Bird Gonna Help You Out
18. How To Dress Well – “Lover’s Start”
19. WUT DID YOU STEAL??
20. How To Dress Well – “You Won’t Need Me Where I’m Goin’”
21. Kikuyu – “2 Appointments (Super Ayi 阿姨机器人 Vocal Remix)”
22. SHANGHAINESE SIGNOFF, 再见

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

PAIRS Vinyl Release This Weekend

What’s more hipster than a two-piece rock band with a white male singer on drums and a cute Asian girl on guitar? Hmmm…let me calculate this on my ironic Casio calculator watch (matches the Urkel glasses). Well, I guess a cute Asian girl on drums/singing and an owl playing bass would trump that.

Enter PAIRS, the duo of outspoken scene stalwart Rhys, an Aussie cunt, and F, a nice girl from Shanghai who can [kind of] play the guitar. Together they make some loud rock music with lots of banging and screaming a la Animal from The Muppets. Refreshingly, they’re better appreciated live. This weekend they join the ranks of I-released-a-vinyl-in-2012 with their double-LP “If This Cockroach Doesn’t Die, I Will,” on Metal Postcard records and produced by my good friends and neighbors The Acid Pony Club.

Perhaps more importantly than their music, PAIRS vis-a-vis Rhys have unquestionably helped build the music scene in SH. Rhys is one of the few Western promoters in China who markets to the local crowd. [Also the only person who came to the Love Bang pool party in jeans]. But really, dude has sweated to build something in our city, e.g. throwing a secret show in a far-away place with no profit-incentive, promoted exclusively in Chinese on Douban and other websites, conducting and posting countless multi-hour interviews with peeps in the scene (inc. yrs truly), putting lots of local bands on all his bills, and adopting weibo earlier than most laowai.

He’s got a militant approach to everything he does, come across as..intense in interviews (but as my friend pointed out, also has the inquisitiveness of a young Charlie Rose), and doesn’t hesitate to talk shit when called for. Opinions of the man may be divisive, but scenes need peeps like this to grow.

So if you’re somewhere in China this weekend, go support, because they’ve probably been supporting harder than you. No DL on this, go buy the album. If you don’t have a record player, holler at Uptown.

 

Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1

Last year the legendary psych-rock band The Flaming Lips released a limited edition album on a USB flash drive.

Sounds normal, except that the drive was buried deep inside a life-sized, lemon-flavored gummy human skull, inside a marijuana-flavored brain…you have to eat through the brain to reach the USB that holds four exclusive songs.

These were $150 each. Sold out.

Then they released a followup….in a gummi fetus. This is marketing.

You know I love treats…here’s one of their old songs. A classic.

The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1

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