WENFENG AND HIS GANG OF BITCHES / COLLEGE AT YUYINTANG

Wenfeng is a pioneer in the hairdressing game. A boss, a don; something like Rick Ross x Mao. He has somehow amassed an army of above-average looking women and confusingly-not-gay men* to cut hair at extremely low prices (haircut with wash is like $2.50).

HOW does Wenfang do it? The answer – mind control.

Borrowing from Scientology, Manchurian Candidate brainwashing techniques, and CIA training manuals, Wenfang has perfected techniques to make his army of hairdressers cut, style, and color hair for low wages while wearing faux-navy uniforms.

Every morning between 9:30 – 10AM, a Wenfeng Team Leader (this position takes seven years to achieve, and candidates are carefully screened under the influence of truth serums) drills the other employees on Wenfeng Seven-Thoughts Theory, The Wenfeng Method, and The Consequences For Betraying Wenfeng.

I’ve only had my hair cut at Wenfeng once. A pretty girl washed my hair and rubbed my back, and a man in a sailor uniform did the cutting. I asked the girl where she was from, and she couldn’t remember. She then told me about the Wenfeng VIP Card and all the benefits it entailed. She seemed to have been reprogrammed with only this knowledge.

*here’s the thing…China is still a male-dominated society, and thus most skilled trades are still performed predominately by men. It’s like hairdressers fall into the same category as locksmiths or plumbers – a kind of 师傅, or master – and they’re mostly men. In America, let’s be fair, most male hairdressers are gay (excluding barbers, generally..i will draw a distinction). In China, they’re generally not – they’re just working dudes. But the weird bit is that many of these straight Chinese hairdressers look flaming – flamboyant trash-cat haircuts, tight shirts, sitting on each-others laps…these are extremely confusing cultural differences. Not that any of this matters, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

anyway, i still like to eat a carrot cake from my local yuppie bakery and watch Wenfang’s Gang of Bitches do their morning exercises.

There’s a really good italo disco dude playing at Yuyintang tonight – he’s called College, and he did some original compositions for the Drive soundtrack. He’s doing both a live music and live video set. Very 80s, but in a classy way. I’ll be down there.

Not sure who is promoting this event but I’d heard almost nothing about it until I read a feature with College on Shanghai247.

Here’s one of his tracks I was jamming way back in 2008. Show starts at 9PM, it’s 60RMB.

College –  The Energy Story

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YO MAMA TRANSLATION PROJECT

Chinese has some really strong insults. Flipping through the pages of the excellent insult/slang-guide “Niubi” by Eveline Chao, one can find useful phrases like “fuck your ancestors to the 18th generation.” But when it comes to yo mama, insults in Mandarin Chinese stop at the standard “fuck your mother.”

I’m trying to change this with my new humanitarian culture project, the #YoMama翻译Project# on Sina Weibo. Back home in America, we have so many ways to talk about yo mama – her teeth, her funky breath, her short little IKEA-stool legs, the fact that everyone has hit dat nasty ass…and you know the bitch is poor. She’s so poor she can’t afford to pay attention, and that ho is so dumb it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

I just wanna give the youth the same tools I had when I was a middle-class white kid in the suburbs. “Life Chances” may be the term preferred by sociologists. Some “humanitarians” wanna give laptops to all the poor kids in the world, but this is dangerous. We’re gonna end up with a bunch of kids walking around the African bush totally absorbed watching Dora The Explorer on a screen, headphones blaring, and BAM – eaten by a lion. Munch..munch…(lion spits out bones of young, technology-distracted Dora The Explorer fan).

The #YoMama翻译Project# does present some interesting sociolinguistic puzzles, though. Take the example above: “Yo Mama so poor, that bitch can’t afford to pay attention.”

Mandarin doesn’t have this phrasal verb “pay attention,” and translating this literally sounds bizarre. Something like “Yo Mama is so ugly she makes blind kids cry when they look at her” or “Yo Mama is so ugly, I took the bitch to the zoo and the guy at the door said ‘thanks for bringing her back!’” translates much better due to the lack of idiomatic English.

So let’s all join hands and come up with new, culturally-relevant ways to talk about yo mama – for the youth, before it’s too late.

The Pharcyde – Yo Mama

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[translation of this article coming soon]

really random bit about today’s photo – i was walking down yongfu lu with my dad and my chinese sister, talking about yo mama (obviously) and we saw this t-shirt for sale! no joke, ask yo mama.

…and i would say show this post to yo mama, but u know that bitch can’t read! yo mama is 文盲.

 

 

 

TWIN HORIZON CLOTHING LINE LAUNCH TODAY @ UPTOWN

My friends are launching their new clothing company Twin Horizon today @ the homie Sacco Vanzetti’s Uptown Records. Really feeling the shirts they did for five local bands. Also pumped that a local designer is making men’s clothing. Here’s some of the shirts, and no this isn’t me modeling.

All five bands – Friend or Foe, Moon Tyrant, Boys Climbing Ropes, Stegosaurus?, and Rainbow Danger Club are playing today at the record shop starting at 4PM. It’s free and there’s free beer so you’ve got no excuse.

and this track, which has nothing to do with Twin Horizon – feelin it. dark.

Caracal – Elements

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LOVE BANG #17 – MAY 26 @ Dada

It’s going down. This is the send-off party for our West-China tour, which starts in Chongqing on June 1st. Everybody knows that West-China is filled with vicious polar bears and hungry ghosts, so that’s the theme of this party.

I’ll put up the posters for the West-China dates later this week. We’ve also got Love Bang #18 with DJ Choyce Kutz from Hip Hop coming up on June 15th.

Really feeling this track and almost everything Shlohmo does. Sounds like James Blake mixed with Three 6 Mafia instrumentals (those hi-hats…). The synth line in this is insane too.

Lianne La Havas – Forget (Shlohmo Remix)

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WHODINI // FIVE MINUTES OF FUNK

I’m teaching my friend how to DJ a bit tonight so I’m posting one of the records I learned how to DJ with. I bought this at a record store in Chicago, along with “Heartbeat” by Taana Gardner and “Put That Record Back On” by Just-Ice.

While digging that day, I said to my friend “damn, I wish I could find ‘Supersonic’ by JJ Fad” and this geezer goes “JJ Fad! I saw them open for New Kids On The Block in 1990, man. That’s a great record!”

So here it is, the B-side to Whodini’s well-known track “Friends,” most famously sampled on Nas’ “If I Ruled The World.”

Whodini – Five Minutes of Funk

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2562 @ The Shelter This Thursday

Sub-Culture…again, coming through with the bookings AND the art (big up Idle Beats). Another big name from the world of bass coming through The Shelter this Thursday night. I was only familiar with dude’s production game but Drunk Monk tells me he’s a world-class DJ as well.

2562′s Fever LP dropped last year – it’s a bass/dubstep/house/whatever album made entirely of samples from old disco records. Pretty mindblowing. Here’s previews of all the tracks on that LP. Peep – Enjoy – See you at #5 Yongfu Lu on Thursday. It’s only RMB40 – that’s less than two coffees at Starbucks.

 

New oOoOO // OUR LOVING IS KILLING US

I know I just posted something from the TRI ANGLE label…and I’m gonna do it again. oOoOO’s self-titled EP from 2010 is easily one of my favorite releases of the last five years, possibly ever. It’s ghost-pop, witch-house, death-wave – whatever you wanna call it, the dude has a penchant for crafting dreamy, haunting, fucked-up pop songs. I might even use the word genius to describe this producer from San Francisco.

Almost nothing came out in the interim period between that first EP and now, this – “Our Loving Is Hurting Us” – the followup that does not disappoint.

I listened to this track, “Break Your Heartt” probably thirty times yesterday at work and on the train. Much like “Burnout Eyes” from his first EP, this track gives me the chills in a really good way.

oOoOO – Break Your Heartt

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go buy this EP!

PROTECT DAT GREEN // RICK JAMES

I was up at Xujiahui Park playing some basketball yesterday when I saw this important sign. hadn’t done any sprinting in a long time. i threw up a bit.

first heard this as a young teen on the “Half Baked” soundtrack. played this at the Roller Disco a few weeks ago, went down huge. RIP to the man, Rick James.

Rick James – Mary Jane

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U NO TOUCH // New Music from Danny Brown and Nickles aka 5毛

just a really quick post, i’m stealing internet from starbucks right now. fuck em. i rep 85 degrees, wut.

big weekend in Shanghai. u may have the chance to cop a Super Ayi Cleaning Team T-shirt tmmr @ DAFF (outdoor fashion and art festival/market – good time).

if you’ve been reading this site for a minute, you know i’m a huge fan of Danny Brown. well…dude just keeps getting better and better. the production on this new track by him and Darq E Freaker is insane.

Darq E Freaker & Danny Brown – Blueberry (Pills & Cocaine)

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annnnnnnnd this…something by my friend Nichols, bass player in one of Shanghai’s most-hyped indie bands, Rainbow Danger Club, and the experimental math rock group Death To Ponies with the homies Acid Pony Club. this is…Chinese-language lesson samples x dirty south acapellas x some beats he made. feelin it, especially now that it’s mastered.

 

 

 

happy new year i’m sorry i love you protect your cock

so i took my dad around shanghai to see some real shit yesterday afternoon. the area a few blocks away from Laoximen metro station (Line 10) gets REAL, ya heard. raw meats in the street, fish flopping around in kiddie pools, feral dogs, 90+ grannies knitting on tha block, feral kids.. [almost] no foreigners.

and this is only two metro stops from “the concession.” btw, please stop calling it “the concession” – that is fucking lame, and almost as bad as people saying “Shangers” – that is the worst. come on white people…

反正, we were at this market that sold everything from free weights to digital scales, power drills, USB keys, GUCCI x LV gear, and DVDs, and this uncle came up like “yo i got dat shit” and busted out a couple vials of DRVGS. The top of the box said “AUSTRALIAN VIAGRA” but the side said “MADE IN AMERICA.” he wouldn’t let me take a good picture cause i wudun’t buyin’ nothin (thas wut he said), but i snapped this shot 4 he left, ya heard.

my dad and i stepped outside and met this lady selling fake gold chains, USBs, and some pipes that looked like they was 4 smokin’ ice. she yelled “hello! sorry…” then pointed a gun-shaped lighter at my cock and said “bang!” and “保护你的东西!! (protect your thing)” then “ooooo, sorry. haha, happy new year! I LOVE YOU! sorry..” think she was smokin dat shit in those pipes she was selling…

anyway, it felt like summer this weekend. this song reminds me of summer. it’s a blend of “Eyes Without A Face” and Cassie’s ” Me & U.”

love this one.

Cassie // Mijimisha // Elash Gorilla – All The Way Down

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Smoke For The Dead // AlunaGeorge on Tri Angle

I woke up last week to the smell of thick black smoke. This was two days after strange problems with my fuse box and random power outages. Some of my friends have woken up with their house on fire; I thought maybe this was my turn.

Scanned the apartment, no flames. Opened my front door, stepped out, and there was my elderly neighbor, burning some offerings for the dead…at 9:00AM, on the fourth floor of an apartment complex.

“没事” (“no matter”) he responded to the concerned look on my face…

But after the Jing An fire of 2010, where at least 52 people died, I definitely thought this was a bit of a 事. Fire was small enough though, just some well-monitored embers. Decided it was better to keep good 关系 with the old folks next door and not cause a stir, but if this happens again I’m definitely gonna say something. I asked some Shanghainese friends and they said it’s definitely not normal to do this inside an apartment building.

Also known for dark, smokey beats is my favorite label Tri Angle. They just put out this three-track EP by AlunaGeorge, who I know nothing about but anything on this label is an instant-cop. No download cause you should support them, they’ve put out so much good music by Balam Acab, oOoOO, Clams Casino, Holy Other, Evian Christ, and lots more.

Aluna George – You Know You Like It

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Love Bang T #7 // DJ Maze Live Recording

Shanghai is a revolving door. My friend is moving back to Australia on Tuesday so I made him this Super Ayi Cleaning Team shirt to bring back to dat Gold Coast. Really happy with how the Ayi turned out on this one.

Speaking of Love Bang and Ayis, here’s a live recording from my Danish homie DJ Maze at the Love Bang Two-Year Anniversary party. Amazing Reggae/Dancehall set right here, huge vibes. This is all vinyl, played on some Shure White-Labels. Download only available for ten more days so grab it quick!

 

 

Stayin Fresh on The Train // Eazy E “Boys In The Hood”

Perhaps you’ve seen the Accidental Chinese Hipsters tumblr. Great idea because there’s really a lot of older folks rocking fly gear in Shanghai. I’ve seen classic Bulls hats on octogenarians, Nike dunks on Ayis, and uncles flying around on motorbikes rockin vintage t-shirts that the cool kids would gladly pay $50+ for.

I saw this dude rocking not only brand new Nike kicks, but a old-school Raiders hat. Not every trying to be the freshest dude on the subway, but he was. I immediately thought of Eazy-E, so here’s a classic by the man.

Remember, Eazy-E died of AIDS, so rock dem condoms ya feel me.

Eazy-E – Boyz-N-The Hood

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ROLLER SKATE JAMS // ROLLER DISCO THIS FRIDAY IN PUTAO QU

Growing up in the midwest, I spent many, many evenings and weekend afternoons at Rollerworld in Kalamazoo. playing Donkey Kong and that burger game, watching kids with permissive parents get their ears pierced by some derelict , eating pizza on grease-soaked paper plates for like $1.25 a slice, buying rabbit tails for good luck, and just skating around, cotton candy in hand.

don’t know if roller rinks are still popular, think they got killed by the interwebs.

looking back, the roller rink was the first time I ever saw a DJ. never thought i’d eventually DJ at a roller rink in Shanghai twenty years later but life’s weird like that.

Evelyn “Champagne” King – Love Come Down

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still remember flipping through the songbook and seeing Snoop Doggy Dogg tracks and H-Town’s “Knockin’ da Boots,” with a “play only after 9PM” warning. 9PM? who stayed at the roller rink that late???

Our Roller Disco STARTS at 9PM this Friday night. Gonna be a serious rager, that’s all i gotta say. We’ve got the illest roller rink in Shanghai rented out, and we’re bringing in a sound system and bar. Entry is a super-cheap RMB50 including skate-rental all night. Drinks are super cheap, 20RMB – 30RMB all night long. We gon’ give it to you.

New Edition – Cool It Now

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and the music…DJ Cavia, DJ Sacco, Morgan, and myself kicking 70s and 80s jams all night. I must bust out the Locomotion.

Omar-S & Aaron ‘Fit’ Siegel – Tonite

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OR, you can take a bus like it was a god damn field trip. We’ve got buses leaving from BIKES AND FRIENDS at 141 Fuxing Lu near Yongfu Lu at 9PM FRIDAY.

100RMB includes bus to and from the roller disco, entry, skate-rental, and one drink.

Register for the bus online right here.

Or you can take a cab there yourself – it’s about a RMB35 cab-ride from the laowai zone.

Minxin Roller Rink
2/F, 420 Yichuan Lu,
near Ganquan Lu
Putuo District
宜川路420号2楼,
近甘泉路

WTF IS A PUTUO QU?

It’s a district in Shanghai brah.

don’t 4get bout dem slow jams tho…

Hi-Five – I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)

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Sunday Daze // COYOTE CLEAN UP

big, big weekend. reggae party went off huge on friday, especially after getting it crunk with some 韩国朋友 sippin dat soju. the shanghai 24/7 party yesterday too…god damn. Rock Tigers, this rockabilly band from Korea smashed it twice. i gave the almost intimidatingly hot female singer a Super Ayi Cleaning Team T-shirt, hope she rocks it.  was also really feeling that Adam Gansler blues sesh.

massive bass at shelter last night from tes la rock, steven lorenz, and drunk monk, who was seriously on fire around 4:30AM. really impressed with tes la rock’s all CD and vinyl set too. serious sub-bass frequencies i could feel in my stomach and chest. had to step outside for a minute and i ate some lamb that wasn’t. really, really wasn’t…even told the bbq master it wasn’t lamb and he just kinda shrugged. yongfu lu so crazy for real..

here’s some sunday night music by a dude i know from the internets – Coyote Cleanup, aka Ice Cold Chrissy, from the motherfuckin’ D (底特律).

CHLLNGR – WELL GOOD (COYOTE CLEAN UP DOOM DUB)

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Roller Skate Party coming up on Friday! Gonna be big – more on that later but it’s Cavia, Sacco, Morgan, and myself DJing. RMB50 Entry including skates. Drinks are RMB20 – 30 all night.

We’ve also got buses going to the roller rink – leaving at 9PM sharp from Bikes and Friends (141 Fuxing Lu, near Yongfu Lu). If you wanna go the bus route, it’s RMB100 including transport there and back, entry, skates, and a drink. Check the Drunken Dragon site this week for registration.

 

 

SAL x JUNIOR REVELATION TONIGHT (Friday) @ LUNE // Shanghai Yard

 

even more great music on this weekend -  my good friends Sal and Drunk Monk dropping reggae all night tonight at Lune (Xinle Lu, Fumin Lu).

they’re joined by the one and only Junior Revelation, d supercat MC from Ghana who’s just returned to Shanghai. the show is free.

remember a few weeks ago when I said I’d post that live recording from our Popasuda party? well here it is – DJ Sal rocking with Junior Revelation live @ Dada Bar, Shanghai. just a taste of what’s happening tonight @ Lune -

DL available for a limited time only so cop dat fo’ i pull dis bombaclat ting!

 

 

DUBSTEP THIS 周六 AT SHELTER // TES LA ROCK

yet another amazing guest from the subterranean world of bass coming to Shelter this Saturday night. this time it’s Tes La Rock all the way from Finland…

but first, let’s recap who we’ve had here at Shelter in the last year…Slugabed, Kode9, Kuedo, The Bug, Addison Groove, Doc Daneeka, Bicep, Samiyam, Pinch, Desto, and loads more…Shanghai is killing it right now.

Tes La Rock makes dark, heavy dubstep but definitely not in an isolating way that forgets the dancefloor. And it’s really well produced. He’s also got another alias, Trusta, which is more 130bpm, “juke-influenced,” if you will. Next-level.

Tes La Rock – You And I

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He’s got some insane new tracks coming out soon on one of my favorite labels – Swamp81. More on that and a mix after the jump.

But before that, I gotta say – amazing flyer….the girl who drew it is only like twenty years old too. props.

Continue reading

LO▼E LO▼E LO▼E // DEE EDWARDS “WHY CAN’T THERE BE LOVE?”

…i don’t have internet at my house, so here’s a slightly delayed but still HUGE thank you // big up // shout out to everyone who came to dada on saturday. 我们阿姨爱你们!

and sorry to everyone who couldn’t get in. the spot was just too packed…没办法. we’re planning something in a slightly bigger off-venue for June, but gonna keep doing the monthly at Dada.

i left Dada around 11 to go to YYT to catch the homies Friend or Foe // Death To Ponies play (great set). when i came back it took me five minutes to get from the door to the DJ booth..insane.

great sets by DJ Maze, DJ Caution, and DJ Scene. I played on Serato for the first time (i usually just play CD and vinyl, no laptop). took me about thirty minutes to adjust but was all good after that.

i brought a big bag of treats, about half of which i handed out. the other half – ???? hope someone is enjoying all those gummi bears and sharks.

真的谢谢所有的朋友周六来Dada酒吧. 非常稀有的感觉那晚上…

and we still have some CDs so holler at me if you want one.

here’s one of my favorite songs ever – this is love music.

Dee Edwards – Why Can’t There Be Love?

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NEW MIX // HEATWOLVES // BL▲CKCLOUDBL▲CKR▲IN // 黑云黑雨

We’re giving away FOUR free mixtapes on one limited-edition MP3 CD at our Love Bang Two-Year Anniversary party this Saturday.

We’ve got DJ Caution serving up some old school jams a la “Jam On It,” DJ Maze with rare, rare reggae vinyl, DJ Scene with fresh new rap, and myself with this.

This is for sure the darkest mix we’ve put out so far. I love all these tracks..

thunderstorm rap // dark-cloud-over-the-ghetto sludge. scary beats x tales from the crypt styles.

trains, the occult, samples from 70s and 80s PSAs.. i want to stay.// just. like. this.. forever. ▲▲

this is a one-take live mix I recorded with one pioneer CDJ-400, one CDJ-800, and a pioneer DJM-400 mixer, output from the mixer into a Zoom X2 recorder. i added the PSA samples later in Audacity.

TR▲KLIST

1. Zomby – Witch Hunt
2. Three 6 Mafia – Rainbow Colors
3. Salem – Sick
4. SPACEGHOSTPURRP RVIDER KLVN – MINK RUG
5. Actress – Maze
6. A$AP Rocky x SPACEGHOSTPURRP – Purple Haze II
7. Kuedo – Memory Rain
8. Project Pat – Slangin Rocks
9. Evian Christ – Fuck It None Of Ya’ll Don’t Rap
10. Sepalcure – Love (XI Remix)
11. Juicy J – A Zip And A Double Cup
12. Dark Tantrums – Unborn
13. Three 6 Mafia – Powder (Higher Version)
14. LIL UGLY MANE – MASK ON MY FUCKING FACE
15. GUCCI MANE – My Shadow (Salem Remix)
16. Objekt – Tinderbox
17. oOoOOo – Burnout Eyes
18. Clams Casino – All I Need
19. The Weeknd – Coming Down

CELEBRATION // LOVE BANG TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY

This saturday, it’s going down.

DJ Scene (Hangzhou, Elements Crew, via New York bringing dirty south, crunk jams, and more), DJ Maze (Hangzhou, Elements / often plays with Uprooted Sunshine..regaee selector motherfucking don of 45s), DJ Caution (SUPER AYI CLEANING TEAM, the illest), and myself playing at Dada to support two years of this.

We’re starting at 9PM, come down early. Music all night, big vibes.

A$AP ROCKY – CELEBRATION

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